I got the Fever

Baby Fever, that is.

Hubby says I think I'm pregnant 12 times a year.

Just like Mr. Darcy told Elizabeth in Jane Austen's Pride & Prejudice,  "You have bewitched me body, mind, and soul and I lov... I lov... I love you."  My heart keeps telling my baby fever, "You have bewitched me womb, mind, and soul and I wan... I wan... I want a baby."

I was never one of those girls that had my wedding, life, and future children names picked out since age 8.  Yes, I may have been was boy crazy in my pre-teens and teenage years but never planned out my life.  All that changed when Hubby popped the big question.  I had that wedding planned in a snap and started thinking baby names right after the wedding since one of my closets friends was pregnant and spurred off the baby fever.  

Let's be honest, my best friends pregnancy was not only the reason for my fever, it was my own worries and fears.  Let me clarify, the two biggest things I struggle with as a christian are impatience and worrying.  Worrying about crazy things such as,

 "What is something happens to Hubby and I don't have a piece of him forever?"

This is one of my biggest worries and why I struggle to stay with God's timing.  I'm too impatient and want it now, but now is not the time.  We are still in school, have student loans to payoff, I can't be pregnant and still do the chemistry labs I need to finish to graduate, and on and on.   Since our family history is very fertile, we are actively trying to prevent pregnancy with a couple different methods, but I won't lie and say that when the dreaded period comes I'm not a little sad that it came.  I am a wee bit sad.  But I am trying to be patient and wait for God's timing, because when we do get pregnant it will be at the perfect timing, God's timing.

Have any of y'all felt this way?  Am I crazy for feeling like this?